Game of Game of Thrones 2019 Preview

The Dumbest Fantasy Game is Back!

That’s right, the silliest fantasy sports game in the world is back! After a super fun 2017 season (full recap here), we’ve decided to once again do the silliest way to watch what has become one of the most ridiculous shows on television.

As a reminder, each of us drafted a team of four Game of Thrones characters. Each episode we will match up head-to-head, and characters will get points for killing people, having sex, getting power, being witty and drinking wine, because Game of Thrones is the best show ever. All scoring is done by The Verge, so if you don’t like it, tweet at them, not me.

And now, to the teams! All teams are in alphabetical order, because I truly don’t know who has the best team right now!

*= deceased

A cold boi haz no name (Jamie)

2017 Result: (4–3–0), #4
2017 MVP: Jon Snow
- Arya Stark (#6)
- Theon Greyjoy (#15)
- The Mountain (#26)
- Harry Strickland (#35)

This team had a solid 2017 season behind the performance of Team MVP Jon Snow, but salary cap considerations forced ownership to make drastic moves over the offseason. The entire team was cut, including Team MVP Jon Snow and fan favorite Tormund Giantsbane, in one of the biggest salary slashing moves the league has seen. In their place is Arya Stark, who should offer the same scoring potential as Jon Snow at a fraction of her brother’s cost. The theme for the #2 spot is also value for money, as A cold boi haz no name scoops up Theon Greyjoy, potential king of the Iron Islands, at a very low draft stock. Rounding out the bench are the undervalued Mountain (winner of the Ser Pounce Memorial DNP Coaches’ Decision Award) and complete unknown Harry Strickland. Will this lean, mean team reach the same heights as last season? Only time will tell.

All that Glitters is Cold (Claire)

2017 Result: (1–5–1), #11
2017 MVP: The Night King
- The Night King (#4)
- Tormund Giantsbane (#17)
- Jorah Mormont (#24)
- Alys Karstark (#37)

All that Glitters is Cold started out the offseason with a bang, successfully re-signing The Night King (Tywin Lannister Memorial Most Valuable Player, Khal Drogo Memorial Most Violent Player) as the star of the show. The Night King leads the league in PER, VORP, and win shares by a ridiculous margin, and should serve as the unquestioned centerpiece of the team. However, the rest of this team has been GUTTED. Gone are Benjen Stark*, Koner and Team Captain Ghost. Replacing the bench are seasoned veterans Tormund Giantsbane and Jorah Mormont, who should be good for kills and wit points. Will Alys Karstark provide any points? How will the new arrivals fit within The Night King’s demanding system? And if The Night King is on top of his game, does any of that matter?

Chaos is a StairMaster (Tom)

2017 Result: (6–1–0), #1
2017 MVP: Jaime Lannister
- Bran Stark (#8)
- Brienne of Tarth (#13)
- Gendry (#28)
- Podrick Payne (#33)

All Hail His Grace Tom Murphy, Champion of Last Season, King of the Andals and The First Men! In 2017, this team took the championship behind a dominant performance from Jaime Lannister. Most defending champions stay the course after a successful season. But Tom is not most champions. Alys Karstark and Qhono? GONE. Bench player Tyrion Lannister? FIRED. Tywin Lannister Memorial MVP runner-up and unquestioned Team MVP Jaime Lannister? CUT CUT CUT.

Most players went for a violent, or high-status/power character as their first choice. But again, Tom isn’t most players — his first pick is Bran Stark (Pyatt Pree Memorial Most Magical Player runner-up), who should be good for lots of prophecies and magic use. The rest of the league stayed away from Brienne of Tarth and Podrick Payne, who had disappointing 2017 seasons — Tom scooped them up immediately to flesh out his reserves alongside solid bench player Gendry. The champion has zigged when the rest of the league zagged — does Tom know something we don’t? Or is this the beginning of the end for the nascent Tom Murphy dynasty?

Cleganebowl Confirmed (Jefferson)

2017 Result: (5–1–1), #2
2017 MVP: Cersei Lannister
- Jaime Lannister (#2)
- Tyrion Lannister (#19)
- Bronn (#22)
- Ebrose (#39)

The 2017 runner-ups led the league for six weeks behind Cersei Lannister and Grey Worm, but lost out to a team powered by Jaime Lannister. So, when the Last Lion became available, it’s not surprising the manager jumped at this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. It hurts to let Cersei and Grey Worm go, but when a generational talent like Jaime Lannister is available, you just have to offer more assets than you would like in order to secure his abilities. Attached in the trade negotiations for Jaime Lannister was Tyrion Lannister — the younger Lannister had a disappointing 2017, but team management is clearly hoping he’ll bounce back in a new environment. Luckily the team was able to retain veteran mainstay Bronn, who should provide a solid scoring boost off the bench, in addition to invaluable team chemistry.

Will Jaime Lannister be able to sustain his game-breaking performance? Will Tyrion bounce back from his disappointing season? And will the team get any scoring out of Ebrose in the #4 spot? These are the answers that will define whether Cleganebowl Confirmed is able to get over the championship hump this season.

Jorah the Explorer (Sam)

2017 Result: #12
2017 MVP: Jorah Mormont
- Cersei Lannister (#7)
- Sansa Stark (#14)
- Samwell Tarly (#27)
- Qyburn (#34)

The Queen in the South! The Queen in the North! The Mad Queen! Our Lady of Snark! Jorah the Explorer is a team powered by two queens. In King’s Landing, Cersei Lannister (Shae Memorial Sexiest Player, Walder Frey Memorial Food/Drink Award) can be counted on to deliver sex and wine. In Winterfell, Sansa Stark (Olenna Tyrell Memorial Wittiest Player) is the player most likely to insult everything and everyone around her. Both queens know how to play the game, execute people and raze cities to the ground — get ready for some carnage when the women come to play. Rounding out the bench are two advisors. Sam Tarly and Qyburn are two solid complementary pieces, but make no mistake — this team lives and dies with two of the most powerful women in Westeros.

Mr. Viserion, Tear Down this Wall (Jason)

2017 Result: (4–3–0), #3
2017 MVP: Arya Stark
- Jon Snow (#3)
- The Hound (#18)
- Euron Greyjoy (#23)
- Nymeria (wolf) (#38)

In 2017, this team clawed its way to #3 behind one of the most violent teams in memory — Arya Stark, The Hound, Thoros of Myr* and Littlefinger*. Now, the team is revamped and refreshed — and it’s somehow even more violent than before! The Hound has returned, ready to stab, murder and disembowel his way across Westeros. Joining the Hound this season are new additions Jon Snow (#2 Most Violent Player) and Sex Pirate Euron Greyjoy (#3 Most Violent Player) — only the Night King was more violent than these two, so expect heads to roll when they’re on screen. As if that wasn’t enough, the team’s fourth spot is filled by a literal direwolf. It’s hard to imagine a team with a higher damage output, or less interest in the subtle nuances of Westerosi politics. But who cares! Get ready for buckets of blood.

The Leeches Full of Gendry’s Blood Memorial Team (Rob)

2017 Result: (3–4–0), #9
2017 MVP: Varys
- Lyanna Mormont (#1)
- Beric Dondarrion (#20)
- Melisandre (#21)
- Fergus (#40)

Welp, Rob was always going to put together a weird team. Overall #1 pick Lyanna Mormont might seem like a stretch pick, but the Lady of Bear Island is always good for some solid owns, and she’s easily the most terrifying character in the show. In the #2 spot is another wildcard, Beric Dondarrion (Pyatt Pree Memorial Most Magical Player), who will either score zero points in an episode, or run around casting spells left and right. Adding to the magical weirdness is Melisandre, who might raise someone from the dead and throw lots of spells around, or do absolutely nothing. Finally, Fergus is a literal total unknown. This team will either score zero points or a million, I honestly don’t know which. Goddamnit Rob.

The Onion Knights (Sarah C)

2017 Result: (4–3–0) #5
2017 MVP: Olenna Tyrell*
- Davos Seaworth (#10)
- Grey Worm (#11)
- Meera Reed (#30)
- Yara Greyjoy (#31)

Team Captain Davos Seaworth returns to lead The Onion Knights again! The grumpiest dad in Westeros is here to mumblegrowl his way into zen koans that Jon Snow will definitely ignore, and I am here for it! Also returning is Meera Reed, who provided solid scoring in the #3 spot last season. Yara Greyjoy may be the steal of the draft at #31, as she could easily return as Queen of the Iron Islands. But remember, in 2017 The Onion Knights powered their way to victory behind the spectacular deaths of characters playing in their doomed #2 spot — Olenna Tyrell* and Dickon Tarly*. That does not bode well for Grey Worm’s long term health — would seriously advise taking out a life insurance policy on him now.

Toast for the Toast God (Sarah I)

2017 Result: (3–4–0), #8
2017 MVP: Daenerys Targaryen
- Daenerys Targaryen (#5)
- Rhaegal (#16)
- Varys (#25)
- Missandei (#36)

If Cleganebowl is the team of the Lannisters, this is the purest Team Targaryen play on the board. Let’s start with Daenerys Targaryen, Breaker of Chains, who returns to Toast for the Toast God after an excellent 2017 season. The Mother of Dragons is one of the most well-rounded players in the game. From violence, to wits, to wine, to sex, to status Daenerys is one of the very few true five-tool players in the game, a well-rounded star in an era of specialists. Complementing her is her dragon Rhaegal, who is here to flambe the living and the dead alike. You need some guile and sex on the team too, and that’s where advisors Varys and Missandei come in. This team is full Daenerys ride-or-die — if she ends up on the Iron Throne, you can expect the points to come pouring in.

Watch The Iron Throne (Erin)

2017 Result: (2–4–1) #10
2017 MVP: Euron Greyjoy
- Drogon (#9)
- Viserion (#12)
- Ghost (#29)
- Eddison Tollett (#32)

DRAGONS!!! In 2017, Erin went heavy on the Greyjoys, with both impressive and devastating results. This year, though, is the year of the dragon, and Erin has absolutely gone all in on the winged monsters. Let’s start at the top — the big one, the black one, the one who makes Balerion the Black Dread look like a kitten — that’s right, ladies and gentlemen, it’s the nastiest lizard on the planet, Drogon! Complementing him is his sadly dearly departed brother — RIP Viserion and RIP to all of us as the newest member of #TeamColdBois rampages south of the Wall. Coaching the two murderlizards is Team Captain Ghost, who will absolutely appear when you least expect and rip someone’s throat out. The only human on the team is also the only holdover from 2017; Ed Tollett is here to snark and smirk as his four-legged teammates wreak fresh hell on everyone.

End of Blog Post

That’s it for this preview! Tune in throughout the season as chaos occurs, people die, and a zombie Ser Pounce (RIP) sits on the Iron Throne!

We Do Not Sow,
Jefferson